Woof!

Yesterday I took the Pie and the Kong to the dog show. That was my first mistake. Having tired of harrassing elderly at church that morning, the Pie's attention turned to the dogs. As we were in south Bristol, I was keen to calm him down a bit. Imagine my surprise when I lost sight of him for a second to see him leaping through hoops on the dog agility course with a large Alsation (possibly named Coco), much to the delight of several Stella-swigging spectators, and to the dismay of the organisers who were running behind demanding to know if he'd paid his £3 entry...

Wretched Pie. When I finally caught up with him towards the perimeter, I reached over, grabbed his pants, and winched him up and over the fence. The bloke with two Rottweilers next to me tutted and said 'Aww! He was about to do the double hoops! No-one's managed that all day!'. I glared at him and tried to convince the Pie that I WAS NOT LAUGHING.

The boys' dad rang later that day to complain about the Kong. I am rather pleased with the Kong at the moment, as he always eats all his dinner and is being extremely chubby and cuddly. Plus, he has charmed the pants off everyone we've met for the past month, including half the church, which, in an area like ours, is most definitely a plus. (Conversely, Pie broke the neighbours' son's Sonic Screwdriver, and sadly, the Child Tax Credit won't stretch to buying another; nor will it pay for a gardener to replace no. 21's prize gladioli or explain what happened to Dr Cates' hospital pager).

It turns out that Daddio (who is skint - ha!) was getting some drawers delivered from John Lewis and shut the Pie and the Kong in the living room while the delivery man hauled them up the stairs. Once the man had gone, Daddio took them to look at the new drawers. The Kong could not contain his excitement at such a treat and scrambled over to the brand new drawers, opened one up and was promptly sick in it...Daddio on the phone: 'I mean, it had been in the house for SIXTY FUCKING SECONDS!'...Go Kong! You loyal boy!

The Kong and the Pie went to Pizza Express again today. I was at my wits' end with them, and my dad had come to visit, which is rarely good. Cue an horrendous mealtime, culminating with the following exchange with me and the waitress:

Me: Is the service included?
Waitress: Yes, it's included.
Me: (indicating the boys and the table and the mess) You should get extra for this.
Waitress: (looking at the boys) YOU should get extra for this.

Tomorrow we are all spending all day IN BED.